New York Bread & Butter Pickles for his Boxing Day Sandwich

Yes, I know I’ve given you recipes for pickles already but I’m obsessed with them and this one will be ready very quickly. Imagine it’s Boxing Day and you’re making his lunch. He’s getting a massive sandwich with cold goose, crisp streaky bacon, lettuce, thinly sliced tomatoes, some left over sage & onion stuffing, mayonnaise and some fiery chutney. It’s white bread but thickly sliced. Serve with Seabrooks crisps and some bread & butter pickles on the side. Make the pickles in advance. Ideally now.

6 Lebanese cucumbers (the short ones)

2 medium red onions

2 tbsp salt

3 cups cider vinegar

1 cup sugar

1 tsp mustard seeds

1 tsp celery seeds

½ tsp turmeric

Pinch ground cloves

You’re looking for mini cucumbers but not necessarily the curly ones. Get him to slice these into thin rounds, while you do the same with the onions. Put in a bowl and sprinkle the salt over. Leave it for 3 hours. This will draw water out so when you add the vinegar it will want to suck all that liquid back in. Even though you hate it, use the 3 hours to bond with him on the PS3. He’s been sweet. He’s still wearing the Christmas jumper his Mum bought him. It makes him look about 16 and he keeps admiring the Morocco bound Shakespeare, with gold tooling, you got him.

Drain the water off and sort of wipe the salt off with paper towels but don’t obsess over this. Layer the oinion and cucumber in sterilised jars. Add everything else to a pan and bring to the boil. The second it does, ladle it into over the cucumber and onion. Seal and keep in a dark place. Give it at least a week and keep in the fridge once open.  It won’t keep forever so don’t contemplate a sandwich without these. Seabrooks Crisps as well – Salt & Vinegar. These are from West Yorkshire and every other brand will be a weak compromise after you’ve tried them.  This is a New York recipe by the way – there’s a Connecticut version that includes green pepper & celery seeds but I suspect I’m a New York kind of guy!

So give him his bloke-sized sandwich with the crisps and a heap of well drained bread & butter pickles on the side while he’s watching Christmas Specials of his favourite comedies. Make him a mug of strong Yorkshire tea. The Christmas jumper will need to come off eventually. Help him with it and admire the long diamond of straight hair between his pecs as he pulls it over his head. This is the best gift he could give you. You know it; he kind of knows it. Happy Christmas!