Ragu Bolognese

1 large onion chopped

1 carrot diced

1 stick of celery diced

6 cloves garlic chopped not crushed

1 teaspoon each dried oregano/thyme

1 teaspoon dried chilli flakes

2 or 3 dried Bay leaves

Red wine that you’re happy to drink with the meal

1 can quality whole tomatoes

1 carton passata (about 500 ml) – or a can of cheap chopped tomatoes

Up to ½ a tube tomato puree

400g minced beef

150g minced pork

Parmesan

Salt & pepper

Olive oil

A good brand of Spaghetti

Optional: Mushrooms, Parsley

Think about a side salad: Watercress, tomatoes, radishes & strong vinaigrette 

Put some Italian music on. I think opera if you’re feeling epic, or something more baroque if you’re feeling inspired and poetic. I find The Barber of Seville usually does the trick. Don’t be exact with the ingredients – make it your own. A teaspoon varies from a pinch to a tablespoon, depending on my mood. If the minced pork only comes in a 250g pack –good! This makes loads but it’s worth it and it freezes. It’s a generous dish to lavish love on and not designed for frugal portions. 

Chop up all the vegetables first –it will get stressful otherwise and the ragu will know it and play up. For a rich sauce it needs to be gentleness all the way. 

Get a massive pan. Sweat the onion in olive oil until translucent. Don’t let it brown. If you have the carrot & celery, cook at the same time to make a classic soffritto, but the sauce is worth making even if you only have the onion. Stir in the oregano with the vegetables so it aromatises. I add thyme too if I can find it amongst the jars and bottles. Often I can’t. Unusually, dried is better than fresh with these herbs. If you happen to have any mushrooms lying around chop them and chuck them in. Add the chilli flakes. With the volume of other ingredients this doesn’t really add heat but more of a background depth. Leave the chilli out if it doesn’t like you. 

When the soffritto is about done, add the chopped garlic. Don’t put it in earlier as it will overcook and go bitter. You could add less garlic, but hey! Fry for about a minute. Your kitchen should now smell like you’re cooking something special – which you are. This would be the perfect time to shrug your shoulders, wave wooden spoons in the air and say “Hurdy gurdy” like the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show. I think you should allow time to do this – it’s quite rewarding. 

Add the meat. Unless your pan is huge you won’t be able to brown it properly but have a go. Add some wine. I think a big glassful would do, but assuming you’re drinking the wine with the meal, you must decide how much you can sacrifice. Bring to the boil for a couple of minutes to burn the alcohol off and then switch the heat off and rest it all for at least half an hour. My theory is that this tenderises the meat but it probably does no such thing. 

After resting, bring the heat back up. Add the tin of tomatoes. I always use Cirio brand as I think they are the best. I use whole not chopped as I believe that gives a better overall texture when broken up with a spoon, but you can use chopped if you prefer otherwise. Half fill the empty tin with water, swirl it around and add to the pan so you get all the tomato juice out of the tin. I’m told all Italians do this with tinned tomatoes and like to think of hot Italian boys, dutifully swirling their tins, as I’m doing it.  

Add the carton of passata or another can of cheap chopped tomatoes (I use supermarket value ones, if going down this route, as you’re looking for juice not quality – hot Italian boys, look away now!). It will look a bit watery but as it will cook for a while it thickens up. Squirt in the tomato puree. This is one of your thickeners as well as adding flavour. You’ll just have to judge how much you need. The sauce should be looking slightly more red than brown by now. Add the bay leaves and a really massive pinch of rock salt & black pepper. 

Once it starts to bubble, bring the heat right down and then part cover the pan so it barely blips. Read something brilliant as you need distraction for an hour or so, though give it a stir from time to time. Attitude magazine will do if you can’t settle upon a Penguin Classic.

While you’re checking it - add more liquid in the unlikely event that it needs it. Add a bit more tomato puree just for the sake of it - that way you feel like you’re still in charge. You could pressure cook it, but this is about love not convenience really. I also think a slow cooker brings out the taste of the meat more than the tomato which gets the balance wrong. So a big saucepan it has to be. Generations of Sicilian grandmothers can’t be wrong! Bless their hunky Sicilian grandsons! 

If you’re lucky enough to be making this on an autumn afternoon switch it off and let it rest until dinner time. The meat (not to mention your loved one) will thank you for the second rest. Carry on reading or daydream about the Sicilian grandsons wandering around in tight undies. 

When ready to serve, put the spaghetti on to boil in plenty of salty water – another big pan needed!. You’ve come this far so use a good brand of spaghetti – I like De Cecco. Please don’t overcook it – give it the bite test regularly – you’ve too much to lose by getting this bit wrong! It is boiling hot and so will continue to cook for a minute even after you’ve drained it. If it takes much more than 10 minutes, start worrying. Incidentally I usually prefer linguine – but who ever heard of linguine Bolognese ?!

Whilst you’re getting your pasta water on to boil, start reheating your ragu and let it bubble fiercely this time. Allow it to get ever so slightly too thick. Before draining your spaghetti add a few tablespoons of the cooking water to the sauce. The salty water contains starch from the pasta that will add silkiness to the sauce. Pick out the bay leaves unless watching your loved one suck them clean is a particular turn-on. 

Drain the pasta and toss with olive oil. If you’re feeling lavish, mix in some very finely chopped parsley (flat leaved, ideally) with the spaghetti. I very rarely do it as it isn’t necessary, but sometimes you love somebody so much…...)

Serve the spaghetti with the ragu and some grated parmesan. Grate it at the table – you’ll look stylish or at worst you’ll look like a waiter.

Sometimes it’s nice to serve it with a small green side salad, but if you’ve made this right you’ll end up ignoring the salad. Don’t forget the wine and some Mozart while you’re eating it. Cosi Fan Tutti would be perfect. Whatever you do, don’t wear a white shirt!

 PS: If you do decide on a side salad it needs to be able to compete for attention. But it should also be simple. I’d do watercress with sliced tomato and very finely sliced radish. Dress with a vinaigrette that has a sharper vinegar to oil ratio than you’d usually go for as it needs to cut through the richness of the main course.

 PPS: You have no idea how much better this will taste tomorrow – which is why we have made this much! If you’ve done it right, he will want it again tomorrow.

NYOM!