Tiger Bites Pig (Gua Bao)

Hakka Pork Belly

650g pork belly rashers, skin on

2 tbsp oil

1 tbsp dark soy sauce

2.5cm ginger cut into matchsticks

1 tbsp Sichuan peppercorns

1 tsp cornflour mixed with 1 tbsp water

Sauce

2 star anise

100ml veg stock

4 tbsp light soy sauce

1 tbsp Xiaoshing rice wine

2 tsp wine vinegar

Pickled Cucumbers

½ cucumber sliced lengthways and finely sliced

1 tbsp rice vinegar

1 tbsp Mirin

Pinch each of salt and brown sugar

The Burgers

5tbs roasted peanuts

2 tbsp

1 tbsp rice vinegar

4 frozen Mantou buns

Small handful chopped coriander

It’s Chinese New Year and this is a treat for the young man. Whilst there are a lot of ingredients, the end result is a sort of burger. He’ll appreciate that as much as the fact that it tastes like nothing he’s ever had before. A CD of Qin music will ensure your kitchen has an aura of calm throughout.

Bring a pan of water to the boil, and simmer the pork for 30 minutes. Dry thoroughly on kitchen paper.

Add all the sauce ingredients to a bowl and stir well.

Heat the oil in a wok until almost smoking and add the pork and dark soy. Cook for a minute or so on each side. Dark soy is aged longer and has a mellower flavour than light soy, which is saltier. Have an adventure in a Chinese supermarket, but take your boy with you - chances are you'll want to buy more than you can carry home on your own.

Place the pork on a heatproof plate that will fit inside a bamboo steamer. Put the wok back on the heat and add the Sichuan peppercorns and ginger and finally the sauce. When it boils, pour over the pork.  Place the steamer over a pan of boiling water and steam for 1 hour.

Remove the pork and cut into pieces. Reduce the sauce in a small saucepan, adding the cornflour. Pour over the pork pieces. This would be great as it is with rice and a green vegetable, but you have promised your boy burgers. So, on we go. You should have plenty left over anyway.

Put everything for the pickled cucumbers in a bowl and allow to marinate for half an hour. Crush the peanuts with a pestle & mortar and add the sugar.

  

Mantou buns come from the freezer in Chinese supermarkets. They are white, even when cooked, and are fluffy and slightly sweet. Get a bamboo steamer going over boiling water and steam for 15-20 mins, until warmed through.

Split the buns and place some pickled cucumber inside and top with a piece of pork belly and a drizzle of sauce.  Sprinkle on some crushed peanut and some coriander leaves.

It’s called Tiger Bites Pig as the split bun looks like a tiger’s jaws devouring the pork. He’ll like the name and he’ll love eating it. This isn’t exactly healthy but at least you know what has gone into it. And it’s nice to celebrate Chinese New Year with a dish he has definitely never had before. The fact that he loves it enough that he tells you he loves it is a clear bonus. Even if he doesn't say it,those big brown eyes will tell you all you need to know,

Suspicious Lentil & Curried Egg Sandwiches

How horrible does this sound? But actually they taste amazing. This will make 2 sandwiches. My advice is: don’t tell him what’s in it in advance. Just wait until he’s hungry and hand him one.

2 eggs, hard boiled

2 ½ tbsp mayonnaise

2 tsp curry powder

4 tbsp cooked puy lentils

A few raisins

4 thick slices bread, preferably the kind with poppy seeds cooked through it

A handful of flat leaf parsley

Salt and pepper

If you’re using tinned puy lentils rinse them very thoroughly and dry slightly in paper towels. Puy lentils are the firm, green French ones with a nutty flavour. You can’t substitute other kinds. If you can’t source them, just leave them out.

Roughly chop the eggs and mix well with the mayo, curry powder and salt and pepper. Stir in the lentils and raisins. Butter the bread and top one side with the egg mix. Top with the chopped parsley and the other slice. Press down. Repeat to make the other sandwich. Wrap in Clingfilm and chill if you’ve made them ahead of time.

Take your boy to the British Museum. When you’ve worn him out buy him a takeaway coffee and give him his sandwich. For many reasons this is best had on a park bench outside. It’s no less good for that though. These sandwiches are very tasty. Consider it a success when he wants to go back to the museum after lunch. Surely he deserves the chocolate brownie you secretly picked up in the coffee shop. His face lights up - your whole being lights up.

Yemeni Carrots with Zhug & Yoghurt

Not just a way of using up woody winter carrots. These make a great light tea. It’s from Yemen and is spicy. I reckon it’s almost impossible to find Lahooh, the Lebanese flatbread, and so Yotam Ottolengi (one of my food heroes), suggests crumpets as a reasonable twist.

Zhug is a spicy Yemenite sauce. It has a quite a kick so make sure he has plenty of yoghurt if he can’t take it.

500g carrots, preferably not too big

1 onion, finely chopped

50g olive oil

½ tsp sugar

1 tsp ground coriander

Salt

6 crumpets

200ml cold Turkish yoghurt

Zhug

4 garlic cloves, roughly chopped

3 hot green chillies, roughly chopped

2 spring onions, roughly chopped

½  tsp each ground cloves, ground cardamom, salt

1 tbsp water

40g chopped coriander leaves

Peel the carrots, cut into short batons and boil for 8 minutes until cooked. Don’t boil the life out of them. Drain and leave aside, so they dry out.

Sauté the onion – when it’s soft, add the carrot and the sugar with the ground coriander and salt. Stir well and take off the heat.

Make the Zhug. Everything but the fresh coriander gets blended. A Mini Processor will work wonders here, though mine seems to make twice the noise of the regular sized one. You want a coarse paste. This is as rough and rustic as a labouring boy from a Thomas Hardy novel.

Add the coriander leaves and then tip into the carrot mix. Add salt. Slowly reheat. (Reheat, not fry!)

Lightly toast the crumpets and top generously with the carrots. Spilling off would be fine. Garnish with more coriander leaves. Serve with a big spoonful of the yoghurt on the side. Give him an extra spoonful if he doesn’t like his chilies. 

This is probably going to fall to bits if eaten with the hands, though you could certainly try cutting the crumpets in half and giving it a go. Whatever you do he’ll get hiccups from the chillies. Try all the usual remedies.

Courgettes in Basil & Chilli Dressing

I have loads of courgettes in the organic box and this is a great way to use them up.

8 courgettes

90ml olive oil

3 tbsp red wine vinegar

3 tbsp fresh basil leaves, chopped

2 red chillies, chopped

Slice the courgettes thinly lengthways. Say 5mm thick. Oil a griddle pan and cook until soft and with lovely stripes from the pan. Do it in batches so you don’t overcrowd the pan.

Mix everything else. This will be the dressing. Combine, pour over the courgettes and let it rest for an hour. This is best at room temperature. You’ve a whole hour. It’s time to see what your guy’s up to – and more importantly, if he can be distracted.

Give the courgettes another good mix in the dressing and serve with warm flatbread. We’re lucky enough to be surrounded by Greek and Turkish shops. Something covered with sesame seeds (especially if you spot black sesame seeds) would be ideal.  A big spoonful of thick Turkish yoghurt on the side would really make this. I can’t think of any meal that wouldn’t be perked up with salad. With this, I’d go for Cos lettuce with tomatoes, cubed Feta cheese and oily Kalamata olives. (Just realised this would make a classic Greek salad – pure instinct!) Your boy will want to have salad if the ingredients are in tune with the main meal.

Amazingly he isn’t noticing that occasionally he’s having completely vegetarian meals. Under no circumstances should you discuss this with him, for he will entrench. You can’t blame him – this was never part of the deal. Just continue serving up things he will love and he won’t notice. Just feel some inner warmth when his Mum phones and he tells her what he had for dinner.

Afghan Lamb Koftes with Avocado & Kiwi Salsa

Afghan Kofte with Avocado & Kiwi Salsa

This is adapted from a recipe by the wonderful Sally Butcher, who is normally associated with Iranian food. The pick up and eat with your hands aspect will appeal to your guy.

750g minced lamb

½ tsp ground coriander

1 tsp ground cumin

¾ tsp chilli powder

½ tsp ground cinnamon

½ tsp turmeric

2 coves minced garlic

1 egg

½ tsp salt

1 tin decent chopped tomatoes

Salsa

2 small ripe avocados

2 ripe kiwi fruits

2 spring onions

½ small cucumber

½ green pepper

Small handful each chopped parsley and coriander

Juice of a lime and half of its zest

1 tsp Olive oil

Salt & pepper

To serve

6 tortillas or wraps

Greek or Turkish yoghurt

Another small handful each chopped parsley & coriander

Put an Umm Khaltum CD on. It’s not easy listening to Western ears but she creates the atmosphere of a Diva, which she definitely was. She wasn’t Afghan and you haven’t told him these kofte are either (he thinks he’s having meatballs).  But Umm Khalthum will change your mind-set and your mood. You’ll ease into this.

Mix all the kofte ingredients, except the tomatoes together. Kneading with your hands adds some warmth which will melt the fat and bind the ingredients together. When you’re happy it’s really well combined, refrigerate it to firm up.

Make the salsa by finely chopping the peeled avocado and kiwi and the pepper, cucumber and spring onions. Sprinkle with the oil and the lime juice. Zest it first. Season and chill. I don’t think this salsa is remotely authentic but it’s good. If your boy likes kiwis, emphasise this and downplay anything you think he might be less enthusiastic about.

The kofte are baked so roll them into sausages, about 5cm long and 2cm in diameter. The oven should be 200/Gas 6. Cold wet hands will stop them sticking. Place in a baking dish and cover with foil. Bake for 20 mins. Take them out and turn them over. Pour the tomatoes over. These are a sort of sauce but should end up as something clinging to the kofte, moistening them, rather than as a poured over sauce. Reduce the heat to 180/Gas 4 and give them another 20 mins. Feel free to improvise a celebratory dance around the kitchen as Umm Khalthum starts hotting up. I feel sure she would have approved. Nobody knows whether she actually had an opium soaked handkerchief but you can pretend you have one.

This is for self assembly at the table but ideally get some salsa on a wrap, steering clear of the edges. Add a couple of kofte and add a spoonful of yoghurt on top. If you like, add a splash of hot sauce such as Franks of Cholula (I like, he doesn’t) and sprinkle some fresh herbs over.

Fold the tortilla starting with the bottom and wrapping the sides over.

Serve with some potato wedges. The wraps invariably leak. You’re primed for this, he isn’t, When he gets it on his T-shirt, make him take it off. You’ve already turned the heating up so he doesn’t mind being topless. He’s got the very beginnings of a six pack showing so he’s happy to show it off.

Tuck in with both hands. Be amazed by just how long his eyelashes are.

Yellow Split Pea Soup with Frankfurters

It’s cold. You cannot understand why your boy wants to play football. You want to curl up under the duvet while he wants to run around in shorts. It’s lovely when he comes home in shorts but you will need to warm him up.

An onion

A carrot

2 cloves garlic

A stick of celery

2 tbsp oil

½ tsp ground mace

500g yellow split peas

2 bay leaves

1.5 litres veg or chicken stock

2 bay leaves

400g Frankfurters

Mild German or American mustard

A note on the frankfurters first. You can go two ways with this – either cut Herta size Franks into 3cm  pieces or get a really thick version like Matteson’s Smoked, which you cut into thick coins. Whatever brand you use please check the ingredients list for the initials MRM or MSM. Reject if you find it. You don’t want to know how they make it but you really don’t want your boy eating it. Sadly frankfurters are a typical destination for it! It comes up surprisingly often but do persist. You will find decent ones.

So, chop the veg finely, and fry off slowly. You want to soften them rather than brown them so a slow heat please. Add the mace and stir it in.

Add the split peas and just let them get glossy with the oil and then pour in the stock and pop in the bay leaves. Bring to the boil, and then simmer for about an hour, covered. It should all break down.

Kiss your boy hello, when he comes in and ask him if he won and congratulate/commiserate as appropriate. Push him into the shower.

Use a wand blender to thicken the soup to your taste. I think it should be soupy (thin liquid with lumps) not porridge-like so add more stock if needed. It might need more than you think. Check for seasoning.

Add the franks and warm through. Serve in deep bowls making sure he gets plenty of frankfurter pieces. Have a small bowl of mild mustard on hand, so he can dip each piece of sausage if he wants. A similar bowl of Tabsaco or Frank’s Hot Sauce would be a good alternative if he likes it. Or do both! He’ll be steamy from the shower. This will warm him through from the inside. He’ll be yours for the afternoon, even if you just want to play Cluedo. It would be even better if it rains.

Luxury Cauliflower Cheese

This transforms cauliflower cheese into the perfect Winter lunch. It has a slight nod to being non-vegetarian which will keep him this side of happy. It’s slightly tricky sauce is not difficult but needs care.

1 litre milk

A bay leaf

2 onions, one small, one medium

3 cloves

50g butter

50g plain flour

4 tbsp double cream

100g strong cheddar

4 tbsp Parmesan

1 large cauliflower

220g dry cure streaky bacon

We’re starting with the sauce. Some Handel on the CD player would be both uplifting and calming and will help you keep a steady hand. Let the boy have a pre lunch pint with his mates. He’ll have the newspapers with him and will doubtless leave them behind in the pub.

Pour the milk in a saucepan and add the bay leaf. Heat it up. Peel the small onion and stud it with the cloves, then sink it into the pan. As soon as the milk rises, take it off the heat and let it cool for 10 minutes. It will carry on infusing.

Heat the oven to 220/Gas 7. Melt the butter in another saucepan and tip the flour in, to make a roux. Stir non-stop until it colours and then pour in the milk (leaving behind the onion and bayleaf). Whisk rapidly until you’re as sure as you can be that it has no lumps. This is the hardest bit over unless he phones you to say he’s still at the pub and will be late. Season with salt and pepper.

Turn the heat right down and simmer very gently for 15 minutes.

Meanwhile break the cauliflower into florets – I like to add a few stalks of the tender pale green inner leaves as well. Chop the streaky bacon into thin slices and finely slice the medium onion.

Bring a big pan of lightly salty water to the boil.  Add the cauliflower  for no more than 4 minutes. You want it still firm. Drain.

The sauce should have had around 15 mins by now so add the Cheddar cheese and the cream, and add more salt and pepper if it needs it.

Tip the cauliflower into a baking dish, pour over the sauce and sprinkle the parmesan on top. Bake for 20 minutes, until a golden crust appears.

While it’s cooking, brown the onions in a little oil. When they just start to caramelise, add the bacon. Dry cure means it won’t leach water into the pan so it should crisp up nicely. You’re looking for crispy crunchy bacon with sweet caramelised dry onion with plenty of dark brown burnt bits.

Sprinkle liberally over the cauliflower cheese and serve. He won’t be late. Perhaps slightly drunk, starving and in that “I want you to take advantage of me” state and yes he will have left the papers behind in the pub.

Chilli Colorado

The boy will like this. It’s a Tex Mex dish that is mildly hot. My niece was tucking into it before her 3^rd birthday so it doesn’t have to be hot-hot. All Tex Mex is more Tex than Mex, but that is no criticism. To confuse things my Texan friends call this cuisine Spanish.

1 tbsp oil

1 onion, chopped

500g cubed pork

1 can chopped tomatoes with garlic

½ tsp oregano

½ tsp salt

¼ tsp chilli flakes

1 ½ cups water

Colorado Sauce

4 California or New Mexico Chillies

2 ½ cups chicken stock

1 onion chopped

3 cloves garlic, chopped

2 tbsp oil

½ tsp coriander seeds

2 tbsp chilli powder

½ tsp salt

A few good grinds black pepper

Make the Colorado sauce first. I think a little rest while you cook the meat will only do it good.

Pour boiling water over the chillies and let them soften for half an hour or so. My brother brought me a load of California chillies last year. They’re quite big and very dark red. They’re fairly mild, which is what we’re looking for here. The boy likes it because he can manage this heat easily.

Fry off the onion and garlic. Blend with the chillies, adding chicken stock slowly. You might not need all of it – you’re looking for something thick and saucy. Strain.

Now the meat: Sweat the onion and then add the pork until it browns. Add everything else and simmer for 20 minutes or so until thickened a little. Everything else included the Colorado sauce by the way.

Serve with rice and garnish with coriander and sour cream. A few Tortilla chips on the side wouldn’t hurt, though this is pushing it into Tex territory. He won’t mind -  he loves them. Use proper Tortilla chips not Cheese flavoured branded chips or the like. Plain please.

A once favourite diner, Ricardo’s in California served this on plastic plates and had a sort of Salsa Bar where you could add your own condiments. Have a look at what you have in the cupboard that you could serve up in small bowls to do a kind of pick and mix with:

Hot Sauce (Cholula brand would be ideal)

Bottled Salsa

Diced onion with coriander and lime juice

Mild chillies chopped and dressed in oil

Fresh chopped tomatoes with parsley, salt and peper

 Improvise. It will seem luxurious. Choice is king. None of these are remotely Mexican, but neither is Chilli Colorado.

Your boy will love this. It’s got some heat but he can deal with it and you can always add some more chilli to your own plate. He’ll feel like a man.  His mates will think it sounds hotter than it is. A few bottles of Sol and he’ll be thinking this is the life,  which is how he should be thinking of you. Make the most of it. You’ve a lot of veggies to start using up over the next few days.

Claudia Roden's Stuffed Peppers & Tomatoes

We have plenty of nice big peppers and tomatoes in the veg box. They look shiny and tempting so I’m stuffing them using Claudia Roden’s recipe from her classic, A Book of Middle Eastern Food. She wrote a recent book on food from the region, and her face looks so kindly on the back cover.

225g minced beef or lamb

90g  rice

1 peeled, chopped tomato

2 tbsp finely chopped parsley

Salt & pepper

¼ tsp ground allspice

A few pine nuts and raisins if you have them

6 tomatoes

6 peppers

First cut a slice from the stem end of the peppers and tomatoes. Remove the membrane and seeds from the pepper and gently scoop out the flesh of the tomatoes and reserve.

Unfortunately the next part of the recipe says start on the filling – fry the onion. You’ll notice there is no onion in the original ingredients list so we’re on our own kids. I’m using 1 medium sized one, finely chopped. Brown the meat and then add everything else except the chopped tomato.  The recipe then recommends adding the same volume of water as rice but doesn’t say how to gauge this. This is where the American cup system is so handy. I’m going to suggest 2/3 of a cup of water. You can always boil it off if it hasn’t all been absorbed. Cook for 10 mins and allow it to cool.

Stuff the vegetables and pop their lids back on. Arrange in a baking dish – I try and have them tucked against each other so they don’t fall over as their skin softens. Put the chopped tomato in a bowl with about 60ml water, a glug of olive oil and plenty of salt and pepper. Mix and pour over the vegetables. Add enough water to the pan to come half way up the Peppers and cover with foil. Bake at 180 /Gas 4 for an hour, adding more water after 40 mins or so if it needs it.

If you’re planning on serving this as a cold dish adjust the stuffing - omit the meat and use twice as much rice, and about the same amount of chopped tomato and a large chopped onion. Dress with olive oil.

I actually like the way these old recipes don’t hold your hand that much and leave you to figure out what they meant. Elizabeth David does it all the time. But this way the recipe becomes yours and hers, so this has now become mine and Claudia Roden’s (and the honour really is all mine).

We’re having it hot. The original suggests serving  with rice and salads but I’m convinced this is rice overload so we’re just doing salad. Assure the guy it does have meat in it so being confronted with all those vegetables isn’t too much of a shock to the system.

Chinese Spare Ribs & Pig's Trotters

4 pig’s trotters

500g pork spare ribs

2 tbsp oil

5cm ginger, grated

4 plump garlic cloves, crushed

50ml dark soy sauce

10ml light soy sauce

50g brown sugar

100ml brown rice vinegar

150ml fresh pineapple juice

Salt

Pak choy

Oyster sauce

Keep the young man busy – if he sees what goes into this, there’s no way he will try it. Do not mention that pigs’ feet go into this. Pop the Guardian in front of him and get him to tell you if he comes across anything interesting.

First check that the trotters have no hair on them. If necessary shave them (seriously), using a clean disposable Bic and not his Azor razor. With a cleaver, chop them into 4, once lengthways and once crossways. Split the ribs up, if they came in one piece.

Heat the oil in a large pan and brown the trotters and ribs. Add the garlic, ginger, and some salt and fry a few more minutes. When you can really smell the garlic and ginger, add the soy sauces. For cooking, I like Pearl River brand, which comes in 500ml bottles from the local Chinese grocer. Add the sugar, vinegar and pineapple juice. By fresh pineapple juice, I’m assuming it’s too much faff to get the Juicer out. I mean the fresh juice that comes from the chilled cabinet in the supermarket, rather than the long life stuff. Pour the boy and yourself a large glassful. It’s one of your 5 a day. This will perk you up no end.

Time for some Nina Simone. Gimmee a Pigfoot would be apt, as long as he doesn’t pick up on it.

Where were we. Yes. Add a little water to the pan so the meat is covered and simmer slowly for 2 and a half hours. Winter afternoons are made for slow and gentle cooking. Stir occasionally and top up with water or pineapple juice if needed. Think of something virtuous to do for a couple of hours.

Remove the meat and set aside. Turn the heat up and reduce the liquid until it is really thick and syrupy. It needs to cling to the meat rather than run off.

While you’re doing this, get the rice cooker on for some plain boiled rice and steam the Pak Choy. When the greens are done, dress with some oyster sauce. Put it in a pretty dish.

When the meat sauce is ready, return the ribs and trotters, and heat through.

Make it explicit that picking bones up to eat them is part of this dish, as is spitting out any little bony bits from the trotters. Beer would be a good match with the casual eating style of this. Make sure he has some of the Pak Choy.

Leftovers will be amazing tomorrow. The trotters will produce a thick jelly which will coat the meat. The sight of this will horrify him. While he’s not looking, separate some meat from the bone and put it in a baguette with some grated carrot, chopped spring onion and fresh coriander for his lunch.