Rose Harissa

This makes plenty, which you can keep in the fridge. I make the main dish very plain so the boy is tempted to have the tiniest dab. To be fair it is very hot. The perfect cure to the Winter blues.

Turn the heating up and get some Khaled on the CD player!

200g red chillies

4 cloves garlic, chopped

Olive oil

 1 tsp caraway seeds

1 tsp ground coriander

1 tsp tomato puree

1 tsp ground cumin

1 tsp cumin seeds

2 tsp Rosewater

A squeeze of lemon juice

Salt to taste

Dry fry the whole cumin and caraway seeds and add the ground coriander. Put the chillies and garlic in a food processor with a little olive oil and whizz until smooth. Add the cumin, caraway and coriander and all the other ingredients. Whizz again. If it’s too loose add a little smoked paprika. If it’s too thick, add more rose water or lemon juice.  A quick taste will tell you which.

I like to make this with a fairly meagre chicken and vegetable stew – carrots, onions, squash and celery dominate with bits of chicken turning up as a lucky treat.  I think that makes it more African. You can of course, be more generous. Use thigh meat, rather than breast.  The stock needs to be well flavoured of course. Serve with fluffy couscous and be generous with the harissa when you do get a bit of chicken.

Use a good brand of couscous – Ferrero is a classic. Dress with olive oil and plenty of finely chopped flat leaf parsley. Chopped black olives on the side is not authentic, but I’m tempted. Sliced tomatoes and cucumber would also cool the heat when your dab of harissa is bigger than you planned.

The boy will be unsure about this. He’ll hope it’s a phase you’ll get over – he’s not used to you giving him anything meagre as far as meat is concerned. Make sure you’ve got a great dessert to follow.

Hopefully you will have some Harissa left over. Keep it in the fridge. It is amazing with lamb steaks. 

Stir Fried Greens in Plum Sauce

This is a Wagamama dish. It’s the perfect lunch for when you both have the day off.

100g dried noodles

1 tbsp oil

150g Broccoli in small florets

1 small onion, peeled and chopped vertically into eighths

3 cm ginger, grated

1 pak choi, leaves separated

2 tbsp plum sauce

1 red chilli sliced

1 tbsp light soy sauce

100ml chicken stock

2 tsp cornflour mixed with 2 tbsp chicken stock

Salt & white pepper

Bottled plum sauce is fine – get a Chinese brand if you can. The chicken stock is easy if you use Knorr Stock Pots, which are a concentrated gel.

Cook the noodles in boiling water sand set aside. A little drizzle of oil to stop it sticking would be good.

This is part of my mission to get Lowell to eat more fresh vegetables. He lives on pizza and lamb bhuna when I’m not with him. The trick is to get him not to notice there’s no meat.

Stir fry the broccoli, chilli and onion In a wok, with a little oil for 2 minutes. Add the ginger, pak choi and garlic and carry on for 2-3 minutes, stirring often.

Add the plum sauce and soy and cook for a further 2 minutes. Add the chicken stock (which should be hot) and the dissolved cornflour, and thicken for 30 seconds. Tip in the noodles and combine everything. Adjust the seasoning.

Eat with chopsticks, knowing full well that Lowell isn’t too confident with them. If he gets noodles down his T-shirt it will have to come off.

Weeping Tiger (Thai Steak)

2 garlic cloves

2 coriander roots, including all the stems

3 tsp fresh green peppercorns

1 tsp Nam Pla (fish sauce)

2 tsp light soy sauce

1 ½ tsp sugar

400g sirloin steak

Jasmine rice to serve

North Eastern Chilli Sauce

1 ½  tbsp  uncooked rice

50 ml Nam Pla

6 tbsp lemon juice

15 dried birds eye chillies, crushed

2 tsp sugar

The pestle & mortar get a good work out in this Thai recipe, as does Lowell who will be working the pestle and mortar.

Rinse the jasmine rice three times in fresh water and then cook in the rice cooker. Meanwhile pound the garlic and coriander until it’s a paste. Place in a bowl with the whole steaks, peppercorns, nam pla, soy sauce and sugar. Rub the marinade in and let it do its work for half an hour.

Toast the rice in a dry pan and when it’s golden, get Lowell back to work with the pestle and mortar until it’s powder. He should give the chillies a quick bash too. Tip into a small serving  bowl and add the nam pla, lemon juice and sugar and mix until the sugar is dissolved. You should have coarse chilli flakes suspended in the sauce.

If it wasn’t Winter, I’d barbeque this but a hot griddle pan will do. Sear the steaks for 3 minutes on each side. Let it rest for a few minutes before slicing against the grain.

Serve with the rice and North Eastern Chilli Sauce. And beer.

As I’m convinced Lowell doesn’t enough veg, I’m adding a side salad of finely sliced peeled cucumber and radishes with grated carrots and a little grated  ginger.  

Fried Eggs with Mozzarella from Basilicata

Sunday mornings are for waking up late, especially if you’re not waking up alone. We’ve had coffee and Lowell is finishing off the papers. We’ll have a late lunch so a brunch dish would be good before we go out.

1 clove garlic, chopped

2 tbsp olive oil

250g Mozzarella sliced

2 large organic free range eggs

Salt & pepper

A few Basil leaves

2 thick slices sourdough bread

This is from Basilicata in southern Italy. It’ s a really easy, relaxed dish you can make with a cup of coffee and Puccini on the CD player. I’m plumping for Manon Lescault. Choose decent Mozzarella – the kind that comes in balls and is soft and milky, rather than the kind that comes in blocks for pizza. Dry the outside on kitchen paper.

In a frying pan, very gently heat the garlic – you don’t want to burn it. Put the mozzarella in, covering the pan with slightly overlapping slices. Gently break the eggs on top. Season with salt and pepper and sprinkle the Basil leaves over.

Toast the sourdough. Fry the Mozzarella and eggs gently until the cheese bubbles and the eggs are done. Use a wide spatula or other implement to get half on each slice of toast.  Serve with more coffee.

Lowell’s hair is still messy from sleep but he looks happy and contented. We’re both enjoying the Ethiopian coffee he brought (we met in Addis Ababa). It will be a good day.

South Indian Potatoes with Spinach & a Salad

South Indian Potatoes

3 tbsp oil

1 tsp brown mustard seeds

½ tsp urad dal

2 dried chillies

15 fresh curry leaves

1 small onion, chopped
1 medium tomato,chopped

2 tsp ground coriander

½ tsp cayenne

1 tsp Garam Masala

450g waxy potatoes in 2cm cubes

1 tsp salt

120ml coconut milk (canned)

Fresh coriander leaves

Spinach with Garlic

675g Spinach

3 tbsp oil

1 tsp cumin seeds

2 cloves garlic in long slivers

½ tsp salt

½ tsp cayenne

North Indian Cucumber Salad

1 cucumber, peeled

½ tsp salt

A few grinds pepper

¼ tsp cayenne

2 tsp lemon juice

6 mint leaves, chopped

Rice

A long ingredient list but this is 3 dishes – 4 if you include the rice. Lowell is up for the weekend and I want to impress him. As well as the above the table should have small bowls of mango chutney and lime pickle (bought). I’m kind of nervous as I haven’t seen him for a few weeks. This is warming but nothing too hot. The potatoes have a sauce, the spinach is dry and the salad is zingy.

Start with the potatoes. It’s a Northern Indian dish so woud usually be served with Naan bread but without a Tandoor oven these always taste too ‘bready’ so we’re having this with rice. I have a new CD with Asha Bhosle singing with Shujaat Khan, so that’s going on. Quite loud.

Heat the oil and add the mustard seeds, dried chillies and urad dal. When it splutters, add the curry leaves and onion. Cook until the onion starts to soften. Add the tomato, ground coriander, cayenne, and garam masala and stir it all through for a minute. Add the potato and 250ml water. Cook for 15-20 mins, until tender.

Lowell’s here – kiss him hello – he’s disoriented by the activity and the music. Pull a beer from the fridge and sit him down. Get him to peel the cucumber , halve it lengthways and slice it on the diagonal.

Put the rice on.

Wash the spinach, chop it and leave it to drain in a colander for a few minutes. In another pan heat the oil and add the cumin seed. When they jump, add the garlic. Stir briskly so it doesn’t catch and burn. Add the spinach, and cover the pan to wilt the spinach. After a few minutes, add the salt and cayenne and remove the lid to boil any liquid off.

Back to the potatoes – add the coconut milk and chopped coriander.  That’s both dishes done.

Help Lowell finish off the salad – Stir in all the remaining salad ingredients and toss well.

Serve on large plates – with the chutney & pickles he’ll have 6 flavours on his plate, all of them strong but nothing too hot. We’ve got into the habit of eating on cushions on the carpet. I want him to think of his time with me as different from everyday. I think I’m getting there. Lowell is in a kissy mood. I needn't have worried. Asha Bhosle has presided over hundreds of Bollywood movies, I light a coconut incense stick in the bedroom. I light it as much for her as for us.

Toby's Easy Pad Thai

10 large raw king prawns

3 tbsp oil

175g dried flat noodles

2-3 cloves garlic, chopped

½ tsp chilli flakes

2 eggs beaten

2 tbs Nam Pla (fish sauce)

2 tbsp tamarind water

2 tbsp sweet chilli sauce

1 tbsp palm sugar

4 radishes, sliced

50g roasted peanuts, coarsely chopped (or bashed with a rolling pin)

4 spring onions chopped on the diagonal

50g bean sprouts

2 tbsp roughly chopped coriander

Lime wedges to serve

I promised my friend Toby to work out a version of Pad Thai that he could make with ingredients he could find without going to a specialist store. A word on these first:

The perfect noodles are rice noodles called Banh Pho, but any flattened noodles will do. Tamarind water is made from soaking a lump of concentrated tamarind paste in warm water and straining it. At a push lemon juice could stand in. Sweet chilli sauce should be easy enough. If you can’t get palm sugar use demarara or brown sugar instead. The fewer substitutions the better but it should still be good. You can get Nam Pla (fish sauce) everywhere these days.

Toby is new to Maria Callas but the drama would be great for cooking something epic like this. He just needs to concentrate on cooking and not sashaying up and down to Casta Diva because he recognises it from the Gaultier commercial.

Take the heads and tails off the prawns and peel them. Heat up some oil and gently fry the heads, tails and shells for a couple of minutes to infuse the oil with prawn flavour. Strain and save the oil.

Get a pan of water on. When it boils drop in the noodles and take off the heat so the noodles sit in the boiling water for 4 minutes or so. Check they are done, and then rinse with water to remove starch and toss through gently with a good few drops of oil so it doesn’t all stick. Sesame oil would be ideal but I’m bearing in mind we’re going with easy to source ingredients this time.

Now it all gets a bit quick, so concentrate Toby. Crank up the volume on the Callas CD. Heat the prawn infused oil in a wok or large frying pan and add the garlic, chilli flakes and prawns. Stir fry for 2 minutes – no longer unless you like rubbery prawns. Pour in the beaten eggs and stir fry until you get something resembling scrambled eggs. Again don’t over do it.

Lower the heat and add the radish, sweet chilli sauce, nam pla, tamarind water (or lime juice), sugar and the noodles. Toss for a minute to combine. A pair of chop sticks or a fork to lift the noodles high into the air will help get it all covered in the sauce.

Add the peanuts, spring onion, beansprouts and coriander and give one final toss.  Serve in bowls with the lime wedges to squeeze over.

This isn't quite authentic. It really should contain dried shrimp and Thai preserved radish, but it will be good. It’s easy quick and fresh. I’d listen to the rest of the CD but Toby will want to watch something dreadful on Sky TV. The food, if not the viewing, will be uplifting.

Chicken & Green Mango Sandwiches

1 chicken breast

4 slices sourdough bread

1 sour green mango, cold

1 large carrot

½ tsp Nam Pla (fish sauce)

2 tsp rice wine vinegar

Juice of 1 lime

1 tbsp mayonnaise

1 tbsp oil

This has a deliciously sharp taste. He is unlikely to be able to put his finger on it however.

Poach the chicken breast. Simply add to a pan of boiling water and then turn the heat off, allowing it to cook in the cooling water.

Peel the mango, slice thinly and then cut each slice into matchsticks. Shred the carrot.  The mango should be pale and hard. Mix in a bowl with the nam pla, lime juice and vinegar. Add more lime juice if it doesn’t taste bright enough.

Heat the oil in a frying pan and quickly heat the chicken.  Slice it thickly and place on 2 slices of bread, spread with mayo. Top with the sour green mango dressing and the other slices of bread.

He liked Vietnamese Banh Mi. This isn’t that but it does seem to nod towards it. Put it in his backpack before he goes out. It’s guaranteed he will mention it will when he comes home.

Spaghetti with Tomatoes, Capers & Courgettes

350g Spaghetti

400g Courgettes

3 tbsp salted capers, rinsed

250g Cherry tomatoes, halved, saving the juice

2 dried red chillies

2 tsp dried oregano

2 cloves garlic, chopped

2 tbsp white wine vinegar

2 tbsp fresh oregano, roughly chopped

Extra virgin olive oil

It’s a weekday night, it’s January, it’s cold. He’s tired, cold and grumpy, so supper is going to have to be simple and quick.

Put the tomatoes in a bowl with their juice, add the capers and garlic and crumble in the chillies. You have the choice of listening to the news on Radio 4, or listening to him grumble. Get the radio on quick. Add the dried oregano, 3 tbsp olive oil and the vinegar. Mix lightly.

Get the spaghetti on to boil until al dente. The sauce is very simple so it’s essential that the pasta is perfect. There’s no thick, rich sauce for it to hide behind.

Slice the courgettes into 1/2 cm coins and then each coin into ½ cm batons. Fry until lightly browned. When the spaghetti is done, add it to the tomato mixture and then stir in the courgettes. Scatter with the fresh oregano – if you can’t get it, use parsley or basil instead. Drizzle with olive oil.

Eat cross legged on big cushions on the living room floor. Make sure you’re facing each other. A few candles and some Mendelssohn String Quartets will also help. You’re lifting a simple meal into something special.  A small bowl each of bitter salad leaves with slices of cucumber and a few olives, dressed in olive oil and lemon juice would be good on the side too. He’s extraordinarily handsome by candle light. You should do this more often.

Tiger Bites Pig (Gua Bao)

Hakka Pork Belly

650g pork belly rashers, skin on

2 tbsp oil

1 tbsp dark soy sauce

2.5cm ginger cut into matchsticks

1 tbsp Sichuan peppercorns

1 tsp cornflour mixed with 1 tbsp water

Sauce

2 star anise

100ml veg stock

4 tbsp light soy sauce

1 tbsp Xiaoshing rice wine

2 tsp wine vinegar

Pickled Cucumbers

½ cucumber sliced lengthways and finely sliced

1 tbsp rice vinegar

1 tbsp Mirin

Pinch each of salt and brown sugar

The Burgers

5tbs roasted peanuts

2 tbsp

1 tbsp rice vinegar

4 frozen Mantou buns

Small handful chopped coriander

It’s Chinese New Year and this is a treat for the young man. Whilst there are a lot of ingredients, the end result is a sort of burger. He’ll appreciate that as much as the fact that it tastes like nothing he’s ever had before. A CD of Qin music will ensure your kitchen has an aura of calm throughout.

Bring a pan of water to the boil, and simmer the pork for 30 minutes. Dry thoroughly on kitchen paper.

Add all the sauce ingredients to a bowl and stir well.

Heat the oil in a wok until almost smoking and add the pork and dark soy. Cook for a minute or so on each side. Dark soy is aged longer and has a mellower flavour than light soy, which is saltier. Have an adventure in a Chinese supermarket, but take your boy with you - chances are you'll want to buy more than you can carry home on your own.

Place the pork on a heatproof plate that will fit inside a bamboo steamer. Put the wok back on the heat and add the Sichuan peppercorns and ginger and finally the sauce. When it boils, pour over the pork.  Place the steamer over a pan of boiling water and steam for 1 hour.

Remove the pork and cut into pieces. Reduce the sauce in a small saucepan, adding the cornflour. Pour over the pork pieces. This would be great as it is with rice and a green vegetable, but you have promised your boy burgers. So, on we go. You should have plenty left over anyway.

Put everything for the pickled cucumbers in a bowl and allow to marinate for half an hour. Crush the peanuts with a pestle & mortar and add the sugar.

  

Mantou buns come from the freezer in Chinese supermarkets. They are white, even when cooked, and are fluffy and slightly sweet. Get a bamboo steamer going over boiling water and steam for 15-20 mins, until warmed through.

Split the buns and place some pickled cucumber inside and top with a piece of pork belly and a drizzle of sauce.  Sprinkle on some crushed peanut and some coriander leaves.

It’s called Tiger Bites Pig as the split bun looks like a tiger’s jaws devouring the pork. He’ll like the name and he’ll love eating it. This isn’t exactly healthy but at least you know what has gone into it. And it’s nice to celebrate Chinese New Year with a dish he has definitely never had before. The fact that he loves it enough that he tells you he loves it is a clear bonus. Even if he doesn't say it,those big brown eyes will tell you all you need to know,

Suspicious Lentil & Curried Egg Sandwiches

How horrible does this sound? But actually they taste amazing. This will make 2 sandwiches. My advice is: don’t tell him what’s in it in advance. Just wait until he’s hungry and hand him one.

2 eggs, hard boiled

2 ½ tbsp mayonnaise

2 tsp curry powder

4 tbsp cooked puy lentils

A few raisins

4 thick slices bread, preferably the kind with poppy seeds cooked through it

A handful of flat leaf parsley

Salt and pepper

If you’re using tinned puy lentils rinse them very thoroughly and dry slightly in paper towels. Puy lentils are the firm, green French ones with a nutty flavour. You can’t substitute other kinds. If you can’t source them, just leave them out.

Roughly chop the eggs and mix well with the mayo, curry powder and salt and pepper. Stir in the lentils and raisins. Butter the bread and top one side with the egg mix. Top with the chopped parsley and the other slice. Press down. Repeat to make the other sandwich. Wrap in Clingfilm and chill if you’ve made them ahead of time.

Take your boy to the British Museum. When you’ve worn him out buy him a takeaway coffee and give him his sandwich. For many reasons this is best had on a park bench outside. It’s no less good for that though. These sandwiches are very tasty. Consider it a success when he wants to go back to the museum after lunch. Surely he deserves the chocolate brownie you secretly picked up in the coffee shop. His face lights up - your whole being lights up.

Yemeni Carrots with Zhug & Yoghurt

Not just a way of using up woody winter carrots. These make a great light tea. It’s from Yemen and is spicy. I reckon it’s almost impossible to find Lahooh, the Lebanese flatbread, and so Yotam Ottolengi (one of my food heroes), suggests crumpets as a reasonable twist.

Zhug is a spicy Yemenite sauce. It has a quite a kick so make sure he has plenty of yoghurt if he can’t take it.

500g carrots, preferably not too big

1 onion, finely chopped

50g olive oil

½ tsp sugar

1 tsp ground coriander

Salt

6 crumpets

200ml cold Turkish yoghurt

Zhug

4 garlic cloves, roughly chopped

3 hot green chillies, roughly chopped

2 spring onions, roughly chopped

½  tsp each ground cloves, ground cardamom, salt

1 tbsp water

40g chopped coriander leaves

Peel the carrots, cut into short batons and boil for 8 minutes until cooked. Don’t boil the life out of them. Drain and leave aside, so they dry out.

Sauté the onion – when it’s soft, add the carrot and the sugar with the ground coriander and salt. Stir well and take off the heat.

Make the Zhug. Everything but the fresh coriander gets blended. A Mini Processor will work wonders here, though mine seems to make twice the noise of the regular sized one. You want a coarse paste. This is as rough and rustic as a labouring boy from a Thomas Hardy novel.

Add the coriander leaves and then tip into the carrot mix. Add salt. Slowly reheat. (Reheat, not fry!)

Lightly toast the crumpets and top generously with the carrots. Spilling off would be fine. Garnish with more coriander leaves. Serve with a big spoonful of the yoghurt on the side. Give him an extra spoonful if he doesn’t like his chilies. 

This is probably going to fall to bits if eaten with the hands, though you could certainly try cutting the crumpets in half and giving it a go. Whatever you do he’ll get hiccups from the chillies. Try all the usual remedies.

Courgettes in Basil & Chilli Dressing

I have loads of courgettes in the organic box and this is a great way to use them up.

8 courgettes

90ml olive oil

3 tbsp red wine vinegar

3 tbsp fresh basil leaves, chopped

2 red chillies, chopped

Slice the courgettes thinly lengthways. Say 5mm thick. Oil a griddle pan and cook until soft and with lovely stripes from the pan. Do it in batches so you don’t overcrowd the pan.

Mix everything else. This will be the dressing. Combine, pour over the courgettes and let it rest for an hour. This is best at room temperature. You’ve a whole hour. It’s time to see what your guy’s up to – and more importantly, if he can be distracted.

Give the courgettes another good mix in the dressing and serve with warm flatbread. We’re lucky enough to be surrounded by Greek and Turkish shops. Something covered with sesame seeds (especially if you spot black sesame seeds) would be ideal.  A big spoonful of thick Turkish yoghurt on the side would really make this. I can’t think of any meal that wouldn’t be perked up with salad. With this, I’d go for Cos lettuce with tomatoes, cubed Feta cheese and oily Kalamata olives. (Just realised this would make a classic Greek salad – pure instinct!) Your boy will want to have salad if the ingredients are in tune with the main meal.

Amazingly he isn’t noticing that occasionally he’s having completely vegetarian meals. Under no circumstances should you discuss this with him, for he will entrench. You can’t blame him – this was never part of the deal. Just continue serving up things he will love and he won’t notice. Just feel some inner warmth when his Mum phones and he tells her what he had for dinner.

Afghan Lamb Koftes with Avocado & Kiwi Salsa

Afghan Kofte with Avocado & Kiwi Salsa

This is adapted from a recipe by the wonderful Sally Butcher, who is normally associated with Iranian food. The pick up and eat with your hands aspect will appeal to your guy.

750g minced lamb

½ tsp ground coriander

1 tsp ground cumin

¾ tsp chilli powder

½ tsp ground cinnamon

½ tsp turmeric

2 coves minced garlic

1 egg

½ tsp salt

1 tin decent chopped tomatoes

Salsa

2 small ripe avocados

2 ripe kiwi fruits

2 spring onions

½ small cucumber

½ green pepper

Small handful each chopped parsley and coriander

Juice of a lime and half of its zest

1 tsp Olive oil

Salt & pepper

To serve

6 tortillas or wraps

Greek or Turkish yoghurt

Another small handful each chopped parsley & coriander

Put an Umm Khaltum CD on. It’s not easy listening to Western ears but she creates the atmosphere of a Diva, which she definitely was. She wasn’t Afghan and you haven’t told him these kofte are either (he thinks he’s having meatballs).  But Umm Khalthum will change your mind-set and your mood. You’ll ease into this.

Mix all the kofte ingredients, except the tomatoes together. Kneading with your hands adds some warmth which will melt the fat and bind the ingredients together. When you’re happy it’s really well combined, refrigerate it to firm up.

Make the salsa by finely chopping the peeled avocado and kiwi and the pepper, cucumber and spring onions. Sprinkle with the oil and the lime juice. Zest it first. Season and chill. I don’t think this salsa is remotely authentic but it’s good. If your boy likes kiwis, emphasise this and downplay anything you think he might be less enthusiastic about.

The kofte are baked so roll them into sausages, about 5cm long and 2cm in diameter. The oven should be 200/Gas 6. Cold wet hands will stop them sticking. Place in a baking dish and cover with foil. Bake for 20 mins. Take them out and turn them over. Pour the tomatoes over. These are a sort of sauce but should end up as something clinging to the kofte, moistening them, rather than as a poured over sauce. Reduce the heat to 180/Gas 4 and give them another 20 mins. Feel free to improvise a celebratory dance around the kitchen as Umm Khalthum starts hotting up. I feel sure she would have approved. Nobody knows whether she actually had an opium soaked handkerchief but you can pretend you have one.

This is for self assembly at the table but ideally get some salsa on a wrap, steering clear of the edges. Add a couple of kofte and add a spoonful of yoghurt on top. If you like, add a splash of hot sauce such as Franks of Cholula (I like, he doesn’t) and sprinkle some fresh herbs over.

Fold the tortilla starting with the bottom and wrapping the sides over.

Serve with some potato wedges. The wraps invariably leak. You’re primed for this, he isn’t, When he gets it on his T-shirt, make him take it off. You’ve already turned the heating up so he doesn’t mind being topless. He’s got the very beginnings of a six pack showing so he’s happy to show it off.

Tuck in with both hands. Be amazed by just how long his eyelashes are.

Yellow Split Pea Soup with Frankfurters

It’s cold. You cannot understand why your boy wants to play football. You want to curl up under the duvet while he wants to run around in shorts. It’s lovely when he comes home in shorts but you will need to warm him up.

An onion

A carrot

2 cloves garlic

A stick of celery

2 tbsp oil

½ tsp ground mace

500g yellow split peas

2 bay leaves

1.5 litres veg or chicken stock

2 bay leaves

400g Frankfurters

Mild German or American mustard

A note on the frankfurters first. You can go two ways with this – either cut Herta size Franks into 3cm  pieces or get a really thick version like Matteson’s Smoked, which you cut into thick coins. Whatever brand you use please check the ingredients list for the initials MRM or MSM. Reject if you find it. You don’t want to know how they make it but you really don’t want your boy eating it. Sadly frankfurters are a typical destination for it! It comes up surprisingly often but do persist. You will find decent ones.

So, chop the veg finely, and fry off slowly. You want to soften them rather than brown them so a slow heat please. Add the mace and stir it in.

Add the split peas and just let them get glossy with the oil and then pour in the stock and pop in the bay leaves. Bring to the boil, and then simmer for about an hour, covered. It should all break down.

Kiss your boy hello, when he comes in and ask him if he won and congratulate/commiserate as appropriate. Push him into the shower.

Use a wand blender to thicken the soup to your taste. I think it should be soupy (thin liquid with lumps) not porridge-like so add more stock if needed. It might need more than you think. Check for seasoning.

Add the franks and warm through. Serve in deep bowls making sure he gets plenty of frankfurter pieces. Have a small bowl of mild mustard on hand, so he can dip each piece of sausage if he wants. A similar bowl of Tabsaco or Frank’s Hot Sauce would be a good alternative if he likes it. Or do both! He’ll be steamy from the shower. This will warm him through from the inside. He’ll be yours for the afternoon, even if you just want to play Cluedo. It would be even better if it rains.

Luxury Cauliflower Cheese

This transforms cauliflower cheese into the perfect Winter lunch. It has a slight nod to being non-vegetarian which will keep him this side of happy. It’s slightly tricky sauce is not difficult but needs care.

1 litre milk

A bay leaf

2 onions, one small, one medium

3 cloves

50g butter

50g plain flour

4 tbsp double cream

100g strong cheddar

4 tbsp Parmesan

1 large cauliflower

220g dry cure streaky bacon

We’re starting with the sauce. Some Handel on the CD player would be both uplifting and calming and will help you keep a steady hand. Let the boy have a pre lunch pint with his mates. He’ll have the newspapers with him and will doubtless leave them behind in the pub.

Pour the milk in a saucepan and add the bay leaf. Heat it up. Peel the small onion and stud it with the cloves, then sink it into the pan. As soon as the milk rises, take it off the heat and let it cool for 10 minutes. It will carry on infusing.

Heat the oven to 220/Gas 7. Melt the butter in another saucepan and tip the flour in, to make a roux. Stir non-stop until it colours and then pour in the milk (leaving behind the onion and bayleaf). Whisk rapidly until you’re as sure as you can be that it has no lumps. This is the hardest bit over unless he phones you to say he’s still at the pub and will be late. Season with salt and pepper.

Turn the heat right down and simmer very gently for 15 minutes.

Meanwhile break the cauliflower into florets – I like to add a few stalks of the tender pale green inner leaves as well. Chop the streaky bacon into thin slices and finely slice the medium onion.

Bring a big pan of lightly salty water to the boil.  Add the cauliflower  for no more than 4 minutes. You want it still firm. Drain.

The sauce should have had around 15 mins by now so add the Cheddar cheese and the cream, and add more salt and pepper if it needs it.

Tip the cauliflower into a baking dish, pour over the sauce and sprinkle the parmesan on top. Bake for 20 minutes, until a golden crust appears.

While it’s cooking, brown the onions in a little oil. When they just start to caramelise, add the bacon. Dry cure means it won’t leach water into the pan so it should crisp up nicely. You’re looking for crispy crunchy bacon with sweet caramelised dry onion with plenty of dark brown burnt bits.

Sprinkle liberally over the cauliflower cheese and serve. He won’t be late. Perhaps slightly drunk, starving and in that “I want you to take advantage of me” state and yes he will have left the papers behind in the pub.

Chilli Colorado

The boy will like this. It’s a Tex Mex dish that is mildly hot. My niece was tucking into it before her 3^rd birthday so it doesn’t have to be hot-hot. All Tex Mex is more Tex than Mex, but that is no criticism. To confuse things my Texan friends call this cuisine Spanish.

1 tbsp oil

1 onion, chopped

500g cubed pork

1 can chopped tomatoes with garlic

½ tsp oregano

½ tsp salt

¼ tsp chilli flakes

1 ½ cups water

Colorado Sauce

4 California or New Mexico Chillies

2 ½ cups chicken stock

1 onion chopped

3 cloves garlic, chopped

2 tbsp oil

½ tsp coriander seeds

2 tbsp chilli powder

½ tsp salt

A few good grinds black pepper

Make the Colorado sauce first. I think a little rest while you cook the meat will only do it good.

Pour boiling water over the chillies and let them soften for half an hour or so. My brother brought me a load of California chillies last year. They’re quite big and very dark red. They’re fairly mild, which is what we’re looking for here. The boy likes it because he can manage this heat easily.

Fry off the onion and garlic. Blend with the chillies, adding chicken stock slowly. You might not need all of it – you’re looking for something thick and saucy. Strain.

Now the meat: Sweat the onion and then add the pork until it browns. Add everything else and simmer for 20 minutes or so until thickened a little. Everything else included the Colorado sauce by the way.

Serve with rice and garnish with coriander and sour cream. A few Tortilla chips on the side wouldn’t hurt, though this is pushing it into Tex territory. He won’t mind -  he loves them. Use proper Tortilla chips not Cheese flavoured branded chips or the like. Plain please.

A once favourite diner, Ricardo’s in California served this on plastic plates and had a sort of Salsa Bar where you could add your own condiments. Have a look at what you have in the cupboard that you could serve up in small bowls to do a kind of pick and mix with:

Hot Sauce (Cholula brand would be ideal)

Bottled Salsa

Diced onion with coriander and lime juice

Mild chillies chopped and dressed in oil

Fresh chopped tomatoes with parsley, salt and peper

 Improvise. It will seem luxurious. Choice is king. None of these are remotely Mexican, but neither is Chilli Colorado.

Your boy will love this. It’s got some heat but he can deal with it and you can always add some more chilli to your own plate. He’ll feel like a man.  His mates will think it sounds hotter than it is. A few bottles of Sol and he’ll be thinking this is the life,  which is how he should be thinking of you. Make the most of it. You’ve a lot of veggies to start using up over the next few days.

Claudia Roden's Stuffed Peppers & Tomatoes

We have plenty of nice big peppers and tomatoes in the veg box. They look shiny and tempting so I’m stuffing them using Claudia Roden’s recipe from her classic, A Book of Middle Eastern Food. She wrote a recent book on food from the region, and her face looks so kindly on the back cover.

225g minced beef or lamb

90g  rice

1 peeled, chopped tomato

2 tbsp finely chopped parsley

Salt & pepper

¼ tsp ground allspice

A few pine nuts and raisins if you have them

6 tomatoes

6 peppers

First cut a slice from the stem end of the peppers and tomatoes. Remove the membrane and seeds from the pepper and gently scoop out the flesh of the tomatoes and reserve.

Unfortunately the next part of the recipe says start on the filling – fry the onion. You’ll notice there is no onion in the original ingredients list so we’re on our own kids. I’m using 1 medium sized one, finely chopped. Brown the meat and then add everything else except the chopped tomato.  The recipe then recommends adding the same volume of water as rice but doesn’t say how to gauge this. This is where the American cup system is so handy. I’m going to suggest 2/3 of a cup of water. You can always boil it off if it hasn’t all been absorbed. Cook for 10 mins and allow it to cool.

Stuff the vegetables and pop their lids back on. Arrange in a baking dish – I try and have them tucked against each other so they don’t fall over as their skin softens. Put the chopped tomato in a bowl with about 60ml water, a glug of olive oil and plenty of salt and pepper. Mix and pour over the vegetables. Add enough water to the pan to come half way up the Peppers and cover with foil. Bake at 180 /Gas 4 for an hour, adding more water after 40 mins or so if it needs it.

If you’re planning on serving this as a cold dish adjust the stuffing - omit the meat and use twice as much rice, and about the same amount of chopped tomato and a large chopped onion. Dress with olive oil.

I actually like the way these old recipes don’t hold your hand that much and leave you to figure out what they meant. Elizabeth David does it all the time. But this way the recipe becomes yours and hers, so this has now become mine and Claudia Roden’s (and the honour really is all mine).

We’re having it hot. The original suggests serving  with rice and salads but I’m convinced this is rice overload so we’re just doing salad. Assure the guy it does have meat in it so being confronted with all those vegetables isn’t too much of a shock to the system.

Chinese Spare Ribs & Pig's Trotters

4 pig’s trotters

500g pork spare ribs

2 tbsp oil

5cm ginger, grated

4 plump garlic cloves, crushed

50ml dark soy sauce

10ml light soy sauce

50g brown sugar

100ml brown rice vinegar

150ml fresh pineapple juice

Salt

Pak choy

Oyster sauce

Keep the young man busy – if he sees what goes into this, there’s no way he will try it. Do not mention that pigs’ feet go into this. Pop the Guardian in front of him and get him to tell you if he comes across anything interesting.

First check that the trotters have no hair on them. If necessary shave them (seriously), using a clean disposable Bic and not his Azor razor. With a cleaver, chop them into 4, once lengthways and once crossways. Split the ribs up, if they came in one piece.

Heat the oil in a large pan and brown the trotters and ribs. Add the garlic, ginger, and some salt and fry a few more minutes. When you can really smell the garlic and ginger, add the soy sauces. For cooking, I like Pearl River brand, which comes in 500ml bottles from the local Chinese grocer. Add the sugar, vinegar and pineapple juice. By fresh pineapple juice, I’m assuming it’s too much faff to get the Juicer out. I mean the fresh juice that comes from the chilled cabinet in the supermarket, rather than the long life stuff. Pour the boy and yourself a large glassful. It’s one of your 5 a day. This will perk you up no end.

Time for some Nina Simone. Gimmee a Pigfoot would be apt, as long as he doesn’t pick up on it.

Where were we. Yes. Add a little water to the pan so the meat is covered and simmer slowly for 2 and a half hours. Winter afternoons are made for slow and gentle cooking. Stir occasionally and top up with water or pineapple juice if needed. Think of something virtuous to do for a couple of hours.

Remove the meat and set aside. Turn the heat up and reduce the liquid until it is really thick and syrupy. It needs to cling to the meat rather than run off.

While you’re doing this, get the rice cooker on for some plain boiled rice and steam the Pak Choy. When the greens are done, dress with some oyster sauce. Put it in a pretty dish.

When the meat sauce is ready, return the ribs and trotters, and heat through.

Make it explicit that picking bones up to eat them is part of this dish, as is spitting out any little bony bits from the trotters. Beer would be a good match with the casual eating style of this. Make sure he has some of the Pak Choy.

Leftovers will be amazing tomorrow. The trotters will produce a thick jelly which will coat the meat. The sight of this will horrify him. While he’s not looking, separate some meat from the bone and put it in a baguette with some grated carrot, chopped spring onion and fresh coriander for his lunch.

Parsnip Dumplings in Broth

He will actually like this (despite the fact it doesn’t contain half an Ox), as it’s delicate and sophisticated. However you only have yourself to blame if he’s hungry again before bedtime. The answer is to have this early and keep a stack of muffins to toast later. It’s well worth making while parsnips are turning up regularly in the veg box. Another stolen recipe – Yotam Ottolenghi’s this time.

For the broth

2 tbsp olive oil

2 carrots, peeled and cut into batons

4 sticks celery, cut into chunks

5 garlic cloves, peeled

1 onion, quartered

½ Celeriac, peeled

3 sprigs thyme

2 small bunches flat leaf parsley

10 peppercorns

2 bay leaves

Handful frozen peas

For the dumplings

200g floury potatoes, peeled and diced

200g parsnips, peeled and diced

1 garlic clove, peeled

30g butter

60g self raising flour

50g semolina

1 egg

We’re making the broth first. Vivaldi’s concertos for mandolin go on, full blast. Bugger the neighbours!  Sauté all the veg, except the peas. Add the herbs, peppercorns and bay. The thyme and bay come from just outside the kitchen  door. The bay tree needs re-potting – it gets blown over in the slightest wind. The boy considers picking the bay tree up as much a part of going out as locking the front door. The thyme is okay – getting woody, which means it grows much more slowly but has a better flavour.

Cover with cold water and simmer slowly for 2 hours. This is enough to get you through both the comedy hour and crime & thrillers hour on Radio 4 Extra. Or better, the whole of Jonathan Harker’s Journal, in Dracula, as part of your new pledge to read to each other. Skim occasionally and add a cup or two more water if it needs it.

Strain through a fine sieve and set aside. It will be a bright, golden colour. Keep back some of the carrot batons. Stick with Vivaldi, but change to his Gloria. The music should be as uplifting as the broth.

Boil the potatoes, parsnips and garlic in salty water until completely soft. Drain very well and then sauté in butter, which will remove any moisture. Mash in a bowl, adding the flour, semolina, and egg. Season and chill in the fridge so it firms up.

Nearly there – another pan of salty water up to the boil and start reheating the broth, adding the reserved carrot batons back in. Add the peas and give them a couple of minutes.

When the water pan is boiling, add the dumplings. It’s sticky so a couple of teaspoons will help. When they rise to the surface, add them to the broth. Garnish with finely chopped parsley.

Gloria! Gloria! In Excelcis Deo!

Perfect for a chilly afternoon. It’s delicate, rather than filling and so won’t keep him going all night. It is very tasty though so a second bowlful later might well do the trick. That and another chapter of Dracula while he snuggles under the throw on the sofa.

Portuguese Steak 'Regional', with Piri Piri Oil and Baked Butter Rice

Even the name of this sounds lovely. Make the oil in advance –and then use it on everything.

Piri Piri Oil

4 small, fresh hot chillies

8 small dried red chillies

2 garlic cloves

2 tbsp brandy

½ tsp lemon zest, grated

1 tbsp lemon juice

1 tbsp red wine vinegar

1 bay leaf

1 tsp rock salt

250ml light olive oil

Pulse the fresh chillies and garlic in a food processor, or bash in a mortar. Add to a small saucepan with the lemon zest, juice, vinegar, brandy, bay, salt and about 3 tbsp of the oil. When it starts to bubble, remove from the heat and add the rest of the oil. Pour into a bottle (sprinkle in the dried chillies first) and allow to mellow for a few days.

Start with the rice: 

50g butter

1 tbsp olive oil

1 small onion. Finely chopped

2 bay leaves

250g rice

2 cloves garlic, chopped

2 pinches paprika

1 litre veg stock.

Preheat the oven to 180/ Gas 4. Sauté the onion and bay leaves in an oven proof casserole . When softened, add the rice, garlic and paprika. Add the stock and season well. Bake for 45 mins. Take the boy our for a walk while it cooks. Point out local points of architectural interest. Check all the stock has been absorbed, and that the rice is cooked. Allow it cool for a few minutes before fluffing It up.

Get on with the Steak Regional. I'm not sure why it's called this but it's apparently native to the Azores. He's very happy to be having steak by the way. He seems to be wandering into the kitchen about every 10 minutes.

2 pieces of rump steak, around 350g each and almost an inch thick.

2 tbsp butter

 3 bay leaves

2 garlic cloves, squashed

2 tbsp brandy

1 lemon

1 large red pepper, roasted and skinned

Get the butter hot –a glug of olive oil will stop it burning.  Add the steak and bay leaves, sprinkling the meat with salt. Add the garlic when you turn it – at the point the bottom of the steak is turning brown. When golden on both sides add the soft red peppers and a good twist of black pepper and some more salt. 

Pour in the brandy and flame it. (Easy – just tilt the pan toward the flame it will catch by itself). Make sure your boy is in the kitchen to witness this – it will flame high and it looks impressive.  Add another big blob of butter to cool it all down and sprinkle with piri piri oil and the juice of a lemon.

Mariza’s Fado Curvo goes on the stereo and the heating goes up until you’re both in T-shirts, and laughing. Fish a decent bottle of red wine from that curious space between the bedroom and the study. Show it to him, as if to get his approval, though he'll have no idea until it's opened. Place a whole chilli on the side of his plate and dare him to eat it. He won't but you'll go on laughing into the night. That's kind of what love is.

Lamb Chops and Three Yoghurt Dressings

As you should have loads of Turkish yoghurt left from last night, this will use up the rest of it. We’re going to use it three ways.Despite how nice the eggs in yoghurt were, he was determined not to to like it. However, he loves lamb chops. He can’t hide it. You love him and can’t hide it either.

6 Lamb chops (if you love him, choose the most massive ones you can find).

2 Aubergines

4 Courgettes

600ml Yoghurt

3 cloves Garlic, crushed

Olive oil for frying

1 tbsp garden Mint sauce

1 tbsp Harissa

Slice the auberginse and courgettes lengthways and fry them until golden brown. Drain them really well. Pat them with kitchen paper and keep warm. I’m not trimming the fat from the lamb – it’s too delicious so I don’t want a double dose from the veg. A really hot pan will help.

Spoon out about half the yoghurt and crush in the garlic. Mix well. Add a little rock salt. Accept this will be quite harsh and raw tasting. It's not meant to be refined.  

Pour him a beer. Reheat the frying pan and get the chops on. As well as cooking on both sides, hold the chops fat side down in the pan with your tongs. Get it really crispy.

While the meat is resting, stir a tablespoon of garden mint sauce into 150ml of the yoghurt. It’s not as sweet as regular mint sauce, but you could go to the other extreme and add mint jelly instead. Stir it up well. To the last 150ml add Harissa paste but mix it loosely so it’s red and white rather than pink.  If you can’t find it, mash a few red chillies with caraway seeds,a  little tomato paste and oil and then lightly stir through the yoghurt. The yoghurt is meant to calm it down, not overcome it.

Plate it up, pouring the garlic/yoghurt mix over the aubergines and courgettes and with spoonfuls of the other dressing next to the chops – in varying proportions - the mint dressing is for him, the Harissa is for you.

The garlic in the yoghurt with the aubergines and courgettes tastes surprisingly fiery. It’s meant to. The fat from the lamb chops and the cool yoghurt cuts through it like a dream. He stays with you for a reason. Start a new tradition of reading to each other, rather than watching TV. He wants to start with Dracula and you’re reading.